What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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