is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
