I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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