Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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