Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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