You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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