I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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