dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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