ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
