btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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