Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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