woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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