ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
