We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
