Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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