Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the day after is always just damage control
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
