I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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