I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
