The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
