I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
