Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
