I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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