Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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