my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
