when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
