i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
