I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
