no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
