I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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