this beer tastes like vomit already
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
