Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
