Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
