Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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