I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I need moral support for this bender
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
