youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
