My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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