Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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