Kiss
Puke
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
