they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
