We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
