I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
