New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
