Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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