life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
