____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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