yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
