someone threw a dead crab at me
Porn is love you can see.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize