hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
