so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
