I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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