Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
