Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize