I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
