Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
