I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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