everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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