So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
