My room smells like vodka and shame
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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