There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
