Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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