i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
