The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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