I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
