so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
