I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
