Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
