So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
