Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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